White Flag
by Heel Princess
Summary: Oneshot: Lita/Christian Songfic to Didos White Flag. Lita and Christian were once an item, he cheated and she tried to move on...but it's just not working. Review please.


**For T, :) hope you enjoy this ! I'm playing of the bet storyline but not using it. Summary: Lita and Christian were once an item, he cheated and she tried to move on...but it's just not working. Song is White Flag by Dido, I just used the verses not the chorus. Keep in mind that I don't own that song, nor the characters involved in the fic. Review please ! : ) **

**I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,  
Or tell you that.**

"Amy?" He asked, his voice sounding so confused. It was a stupid question of course, it was obviously me and he should have known that from the intense way he was staring at me. Jay looked like he was seeing a ghost, and in a way I guess he was. Because our relationship had died a long time ago.

A shiver ran up my spine and I couldn't tell if it was from the cold rain beating down on me or if it was from being so close to him after all this time had passed us by. The feeling was almost surreal, it was like I was almost as shocked to see him as he was to see me, even though I had come here with the intention of seeing him.

I looked up at him slowly, and the look on my face was probably pathetic. Not to mention how pathetic the whole thing was in the first place, me looking for him must have screamed desperate. But I wasn't desperate of course, their had been others since we ended things, yet tonight it seemed to strike me that I wasn't a whole person anymore... Like this morning when I woke up next to Chris and felt instantly empty inside... the feeling had become a common one for me, like something was always missing. And tonight I realised what that was, or rather who, I was simply missing _him_.

Then again I guess I've probably known that I was missing Jay all along, I just wished that I wasn't missing him...after all he was no prince of a boyfriend. We never were a fairy tale romance, I really shouldn't miss him at all, in reality I should hate him.

"What are you doing here?" The Canadian questioned, the bewilderment still clear in his words.

I didn't know what I could say to him except for the truth, no matter how hard it was to admit I just had to come out with it. After all I'd driven all this way in the dead of night just to say it to him, "I still love you." I blurted out, there was no way to tip toe around that fact. It was how I felt, and it was like if I didn't get that out, that somehow I would die.

My heart was beating so fast in chest, and I could hear it pumping in my ears, it was so loud in fact that I thought that it just might explode into a million pieces as I stood there.

His face changed somehow, and if it was possible he looked even more confused then when he had opened the door in the first place. It was obvious that my statement had thrown him for a loop. "You still love me?"

I smiled at the familiar quirk, Jay always did repeat things when he was trying to process something.

"That's what I said," I told him, laughing ever so slightly in an effortless attempt to ease the awkward tension that had settled in between us.

A stunned Jason ran and hand back over his short hair, "Wow, that's the last thing I ever expected to hear from you." He replied, obviously dumbfounded. "Not that even expected to hear from you at all."

**But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it  
where's the sense in that?**

Then he just seem to look at me like I was about to vaporize before him, like I was some god damn mirage or something. Well I had a news flash for him, I wasn't about to disappear into thin air...I was real.

And as I stood there watching him watch me, I didn't know what else to say, or what else I could say really. Here I was on his doorstep pouring my heart out to him and he was just looking at me like I was crazy, maybe he just didn't want to hear any of it. Why should he even care how I feel? "Ok well I said what I needed to say, I'll leave you alone now."

But when I turned to go he stopped me, grabbing my arm and pulling me back towards him. "You can't just say something like that and then run off."

"Well you were just standing there so I thought..."

He cut me off, something else that I was used to when I was with him. "It's just a lot to take in at once Ames, especially with the way we left things...." He paused for a second, loosing himself in thought, "You should come inside, I don't think this is a conversation to have in a doorway."

I looked at him and then back at my car, was I really right in coming here? I did love him, but the prospect of being alone with him now was nerve racking, perhaps I really hadn't thought this through. Because thinking about seeing him, and actually seeing him were two very different things.

"It's ok Amy, no matter what happened between us you can always feel comfortable talking with me."

He never did fail to amaze me with the way he could always read my mind. I sent him another small smile before he moved aside, leaning on the frame to leave the doorway open for me to come in.

"Nothing is getting solved out here, you're just getting wetter and I don't think the rain is going to hold up any time soon. Do you really want to stand out here getting drenched?"

Looking up quickly to the sky, I stepped inside, "I guess you're right."

He smiled when he followed me in and closed the door behind him, "You love me _and_ I'm right? Wow the world must be really coming to an end. Was that really rain out there or was the sky just falling?"

While his playful demeanour was comforting I didn't exactly go there for small talk, I had so many questions as to why I was feeling the way I was for someone who completely broke my heart... and I needed some answers.

That's what this whole trip out to Florida was about anyway, getting some god damn answers. Too many things had been left unsaid and it made me wonder if my whole problem came down to the lack of closure between us.

**I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder  
Or return to where we were**

"Listen Jay," I began, suddenly pacing back and forth, unable to stop long enough to sit down. "I didn't come here to make things hard for you, and if you don't want me here then I'll go. I didn't think that coming here would change anything anyway..."

He walked up to me and laid a hand on each of my shoulders, stopping me from both my rambling and from moving across the floor, "Ames your gonna put a hole in my hardwood."

I tried to laugh politely at his comment but no noise would come out my mouth, I was too busy focusing on his hands on me. It had been so long since I felt his touch, and it surprised me to still find it so electric, yet so calm and comforting at the same time. "S-sorry," I stuttered.

A smile spread across his face, and he pulled me down on the sofa, forcing me to sit. "Now tell me what's going on here, cause I feel like I've entered the twilight zone."

Sighing I closed my eyes, "I just realised that...that I love you, and that I never really stopped."

Jason tilted my jaw upward staring into my eyes, "That's sure a big change from what you said when you left me, I believe your exact words were I hope you rot in hell you lying bastard." He finished his sentence with a chuckle, once again trying to keep the mood up.

**I know I left too much mess and  
destruction to come back again**

My mind wandered back to the night in question, and to the way I just stormed out on him, the way I threw anything I could get my hands on, and finally the apologetic way he was looking at me.

That was the night I found out that he had cheated on me, and the worst part was that I didn't even find out from him. I had to find out on the dirt sheets...

I remember blinking at the bright screen, trying to focus my eyes on the words in front of me as I started to tear up. They were saying that Trish and Jay had been spotted leaving a hotel together Saturday night and somehow I knew it was true before I even confronted him about it. Call it woman's intuition or whatever you want, I just knew.

He apologized profusely, explained that it had only happened that once, that he had been drinking and that he wasn't thinking clearly.

After that everything is pretty much a huge blur, I was just so mad at him but more then anything I was hurt. I knew we were having problems, but I never thought that he'd go there, I never even felt like it was possible.

He was my soul mate, he was my fiancé and most importantly he was my best friend. I didn't even think to look at anyone else and yet he had somehow stumbled into bed with another woman, a friend of mine no less.

Then I told him I'd never forgive him and threw his ring in his face. I didn't even pack my bags I was so angry, I just got in the car and drove all night. I didn't know where I was going, but at the time it didn't matter, anywhere away from Jason was perfect.

Of course I'd long since forgiven him, but I'd never really forgiven myself.

"I'm sorry about all that." I said softly, pulling myself out of my memories.

His brows lowered, and his warm eyes locked once again with mine. "That doesn't make any sense, you have nothing to be sorry for, I deserved much worse for what I did."

I could feel a hot tear run down my face, which he immediately wiped away, "I'm the one who needs to be sorry." He told me, his voice barley above a whisper.

No sooner had the words come from his mouth did I feel even more tears slipping from my eyes, "But I was so quick to let you go...then you didn't want to hurt me by being around all the time and left for tna for my sake. I'm the only real reason you're not working for the wwe anymore, I feel like I've completely dismantled your life."

Jason continued to brush the salty water from my cheeks with his thumb, "Amy I cheated on you, I didn't want you to walk away, but you had every right to, and you have no right to feel guilty about any that. I'm happy with tna now, my life's ok."

**And I caused nothing but trouble  
I understand if you can't talk to me again**

"But even before all that we were always fighting Jay, I pushed you away...god I probably drove you straight into Trish's arms. And maybe I'm just supposed to hate you for what happened but all I can think about is how much I love you..."

I couldn't get anymore words out, all I could do was sob against his chest as he held me. "I love you too, Amy." He cooed, his mouth millimetres from my ear. "I never meant to hurt you, none of what happened was your fault. I was just being a coward, a scared little boy afraid of the word forever."

"I just wish I never left."

Jay pulled back and tucked a loose strand of my hair back behind my ear, "Everything happens for a reason."

**And if you live by the rules of "it's over"  
then I'm sure that that makes sense**

Suddenly he got up, "Be right back," He explained, disappearing to back of the house before returning with his fist closed, "Hold out your hand," He instructed.

I did as he asked and felt something small fall into my palm. Looking down at it I was shocked to see that it was my engagement ring in my hand. "Jay, I..."

He reached out and closed my fist around it, "This belongs to you Amy, I never thought I'd get to give it back to you."

Fresh tears poured from my eyes as I clenched onto the gold loop for dear life. The night he'd given it to me he told me that he didn't ever want me to take it off. He told me that just seeing it on my finger reminded him that I was always going to be there, that I was his, and that we would be together forever.

I couldn't stop myself from crying harder, "I hate that life never turns out the way you expected it to."

Jason thumbed away the new tears, "I was terrified to get married and look what I wound up doing to you, if I had my time back I would have gladly walked down the isle" He said smiling, " But maybe it was all supposed to happen this way for a reason...didn't I hear that your seeing Jericho now?" I nodded faintly. "He's a good man Amy, he wont hurt you like I did. I just hope that I haven't kept you from trusting again, because you can trust him."

"Of course he can't hurt me Jason, because I don't love him. Didn't you hear me, I love _you_..." I inched closer to him and leaned in, sweeping my lips over his. It didn't take him long to kiss back, and soon enough my arms were locked around his neck and he was leaning me back on the sofa with his hand inching up my thigh.

Moaning into his mouth I arched my back off the sofa, reaching for the hem of his t-shirt. But once I pulled it up over his head and locked my lips back with his he suddenly jumped back, pulling away from me and breaking the heated moment. "What's wrong?" I questioned, baffled as to why he was stopping.

"This is wrong Amy."

My eyes scanned his face, "Why is it wrong for me to want you to make love to me?"

"You don't know how much I've longed for you to say that. But is it really responsible for us to dive back into something like this without thinking about it? I mean you still work for Vince travelling all over the world and my life's here in Florida now. Vince wouldn't take me back now and it would be selfish of me to disrupt your world by suggesting anything else,"

I looked down, "I'll come out here with you Jay, I'll leave everything behind for even a chance that things could work out this time."

His hands found my face again, "But that's not fair to you, I don't want to cause you anymore pain. And I'm afraid that I'll hurt you again. It's just not right, maybe we just aren't meant to be. Maybe Chris is the one you belong with now."

No sooner had the last word escaped his lips did I bolt for the door.

"Where are you going huh?"

I stared him down as my venom filled words flew out of my mouth, "Back to Atlanta, I never should have come here in the first place.... Besides I think I've made a big enough fool out of myself for one night, don't you?"

"Amy please don't think I'm trying to hurt you,or that I don't want you, because I do. I want you more than anything, But I'm doing this because I _don't_ want to hurt you. I just think it would just be easier for _you_ if we weren't together,"

My arms folded across my chest, "Ever think that maybe us being together isn't easy because it's worth it? You always have to work hard for the good things in life Jason." I spat, my hand reaching for the door knob

"I'm begging you not to run away again Amy, what did it get you the last time?"

I swung my head back around, "Are you trying to rub it in?"

"No just be reasonable here." He shouted, trying to move closer to me.

But I wouldn't allow him the chance to get any closer, "I think I'll stick with running away Jay, after all I'm good at it. Forget that I even came here in the first place..."

"Amy please..." He begged, but I wasn't listening. I just slammed the door behind me and took off for my car, started up the engine and pealed out of his driveway like a bat out of hell.

* * *

**And when we meet  
Which I'm sure we will**

It was months before I saw him again, and if it was up to me I would have never saw him again. Because quite frankly I had never been so embarrassed in my whole life as I was that night, not even the night I found out about Trish could compare. Because this was worse, I had put myself out there only to be humiliated.

The only thing I was thankful for was the fact that no one had seen me make a fool of myself, and on top of that nobody would ever know because nobody even knew that I went to see him in the first place. I just wanted to forget that it ever happened, and I was doing a pretty good job of that until he walked into the bar.

I knew that he lived in the area before I even set foot in the joint, but we were in town for a show and Chris insisted that we go out with everyone else after it was over. I knew that if I didn't go out like everything was normal someone would find that suspicious. My wishful thinking was that he would be out of town touring for tna or that he would just simply be sitting at home. I prayed as hard as I could for either option, but unfortunately I wasn't so lucky...

Instinctively I snuggled closer to Chris, trying to rub it in Jason's face that I was doing fine without him, no matter how big of a lie that was. Having a boyfriend was comforting to me, and I did love him, but it just wasn't the same kind of love. It wasn't that over the top crazy kind of love that made you do stupid things like drive across country in the middle of the night at even the slight chance of reconciliation.

**All that was there  
Will be there still**

The bottom line was that Chris just wasn't Jay, and you just replace true love, no matter how fucked up it was in the first place.

He scanned the place quickly, and his eyes instantly focused on mine. I felt a wave of emotion flow over me which only reiterated what I already knew. That no matter what Jay did to me, the feelings just weren't going to go away. I was in love, and always would be.

But I needed to suppress that fact and just put on my strong face, and pretend that his presence wasn't affecting me at all.

**I'll let it pass  
And hold my tongue  
And you will think  
That I've moved on....**

My eyes darted up to Chris, trying to distract myself from Jay...but no matter where I looked I always wound up looking back to him. And every time I looked at him he was still looking at me. It was almost magnetic the way I was drawn to him.

"Chris I'm just going to head to the little girls room to freshen up ok?"

He looked down at me and smiled, kissing the top of my head, "Ok babe."

I turned to go when he grabbed me by the arm, much like Jay had the last time I was in Florida, "Don't be long, I'll miss you."

A smile spread across my face, he really was a sweetheart, I just wished that I could love him the way that he deserved to be loved.

Giving him a quick peck I took off, trying to hide the tears that were already flowing and disappeared into the crowd in search of the bathroom. I suddenly just needed to be alone for a moment, it just felt like being in the same room with him made it hard for me to breathe.

Once I was safely behind the closed door of the wash room I felt instantly better, "Amy, come on just breathe, you can do that..you remember how to do that! You do it while you sleep for gods sake you can do it now."

A knock on the door startled me from my concentration, "Occupied" I yelled. The person didn't give up though, they just kept knocking.

Frustrated and annoyed I flung open the door to scream at them, "I said Occu..." I didn't get to finish my sentence when I saw who it was that I was shouting at.

"Amy..."

I looked him square in the eye and put on my tough front, "Oh it's you," I said bitterly, crossing my arms over my chest.

His eyes pleaded with me, "I'm sorry about everything,"

"Save it Jason," I spat trying to shove past him.

But he wouldn't let me go, "Listen I know I don't deserve for you to care about anything I have to say to you."

I rolled my eyes at him, "You think?" I barked back sarcastically.

The Canadian didn't take notice to my last comment and just continued talking, "I was wrong to turn you down Amy, I knew it as soon as you left. I just thought it was selfish of me to take you back, you deserve better then the bullshit you've put up with from me over the years."

"Maybe we're worth all the bullshit." I shot back again, so sick of his excuses.

"I know that now."

I was stunned, "What?"

"If your willing to put up with my shit, well who am I to stop you. I love you Amy and I cant live with knowing the fact that you love me just as much as I love you without us being together. So if you're willing to try then so am I, because maybe I'm not perfect, but with you I'm as close to perfect as I'll ever be."

It didn't even take me three seconds to wrap my arms around him, and I wasn't so sure I could ever let go. Because now that I had him, I was never letting him go again.

**I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be**


End file.
